The kindness and positivity of others

I have posted a lot about frustrations and issues with accessibility, but I’m not sure I always post enough about when things go well. And that’s often down to people.

I sometimes have to rely on the kindness and help of strangers, and whilst putting me into a vulnerable position I may not like, it also shows me some of the best sides of humanity.

Getting stuck at a petrol station recently and the station refusing help once I arrived, a random stranger helped me out, by helping with fuelling and taking my card to pay and returning it. That meant I could still go out and enjoy myself! Otherwise I would have needed to return home.

Just recently I had one of the best trips to a supermarket that really demonstrated the kindness of people.

I often find children want to look or engage with me because I’m at their height, I’m usually looking quite colourful and I’m different being in a powerchair so they are often intrigued. On this occasion the child saw my cup and compared this to their drink, adult smiled and agreed with them. Child then started going how cool my hair is (short and two colours- there’s was around neck length). Adult looked at my colourful hair and then said ‘well if you let your hair be cut, then you can do that to yours’. I think I found one of my people there! (Neurodivergent at a guess as not wanting hair cut is quite common!). So I was quite happy with that chat and thought how lovely.

I continued on my shop and my current favourite drink (hello pink 7up!!!) only had a couple left right at the back of a shelf. I tried my best, got one but could not get the other. Tried to find staff but no one around. So I plucked up courage and tried to find a stranger who looked approachable. I found someone quite soon and they could not have been kinder, even though I had to ask them to come to another aisle to help. Just a lovely person that asked if there was anything else they could do, then departed when I said no thank you.

When I got to the checkout the staff member was lovely. I like to try and be stubborn/independent and they were happy to just go a bit slower so I could do that. Packed my bags and off I went. They offered help, I politely declined and they adapted so I could still do what I needed.

When I went out to my car, I decided to pack into the front passenger seat, despite that being pretty hard. Anyway, someone was passing and said would you like me to help. I said it’s ok I can manage it. They then came over and said I know you can manage it, but it will be quicker with both of us. And that was just the right amount of kindness that I gladly accepted their help. They didn’t assume I needed help and didn’t assume I was unable to do it. And just the right amount of knowing I was probably stubborn!! They were amazing and their help really made it so much easier.

So why am I telling you this? Sometimes it’s hard for people to know how to act around disabled people, especially people like myself who are visibly disabled. These interactions show that there are people who treat me as both an equal and someone who experiences barriers they do not. People who accepted an interaction and didn’t pull someone away. People who accepted no for an answer and people who offered in a way I would accept by validating my independence. So often people are worried that they say something wrong and yes that sometimes might happen, but agreeing to help if asked or offering and accepting the answers are key skills.

Key points from these interactions I’d like everyone to know:

– If your child is interacting with a wheelchair user (or other visibly disabled person), don’t pull them away, continue the conversation as you might with anyone else. I’ve had some wonderful interactions with children over the years and some have even learned from it, others just meet a cool adult who wears fun clothes and they realise that there’s more than one way to be an adult.

– If you’re able to help when asked, please do.

– If you think you can/should help offer in ways that demonstrate empathy and acknowledge skills/independence.

You never know, you might be the reason someone has a really nice day and is reminded of how lovely people can be.